How did I first figure out that I was gay. I guess I always knew I didn't like guys. Courtney Allison, even in Kindergarten, was always raving about guys. She had so many Kindergarten weddings. She even kissed some of them. At that point I just thought that people liked different things. She liked boys, I liked girls. I had a huge crush on Heather Smith that year. Of course, that crush did diminish over time, and others came up, but that was my frist, and that was the one I remember the most. As I had said, I thought there was nothing wrong with girls liking girls. I thought of myself as completely normal until one of my third grade CCD classes. The teacher was going over marraige. She was expressing how marraige was a vow between a man and a women. I raised my hand and asked if two girls could get married. She looked back with absolute disgust. "No, Kathy, that is wrong and against God's will. People who do that are sinners." Sinners. I decided I would forget about it, and that I didn't really like girls; it was all in my head. But the thought ate me away. Would I go to hell because I had a crush on Courtney Allison? Looking back on it, I started to become depressed. I was eight. Over time, I forgot about it. After all, you don't remember much of your younger years. But I then understood that it was an insult when kids called each other gay at school. In our largely homophobic community, it was one of the worst things that you could be called. I would also like to clear out a myth about lesbians. I don't like every girl. I didn't even have a crush on Allison. Nothing against her, but she wasn't my type. If a guy and a girl could be friends, why can't two lesbians be friends? Not that Allison was gay. Because she definently was not. And she played into the background of our homophobic community like everyone else. And she thought the same way about gay people as everyone else did.
Even if it was her best friend.
